welcome friends

Monday, June 7, 2010

I snapped!

I like to think of myself as a pretty rational person who gets along with everyone. I have the physical barrier of being fat that I have to help people overcome before they realize I am a fun, likable person. However, being fat has always been my nemesis and is something I am not proud of. I have battled my weight since early childhood when kids in school were so willing to bully me, exclude me, and call me names. Mostly I have been able to set my insecurities aside, roll with the punches, make friends, and find diversionary activities which helped me develop my self esteem and sense of self worth. I found talents through my weaknesses that helped me develop the successful person that I am today. By no means am I at my goal weight, I will forever be working hard to get there, but I can say I like the person I am despite the fact I don't like my size. That being said, why is it so easy for me to snap mentally when someone call's me a fat "b--ch"?!
This weekend I was not feeling well. A head and chest cold accompanied by nausea plagued me during this beautiful sunny weekend. Despite feeling sick, I decided it would be all right if we spent the afternoon having a late lunch with my mother-in-law. Lunch went fine until the end when my mother-in-law got upset over some words exchanged between her and my husband. She wanted to find her own ride home. I tried to smooth over the situation and convince her to ride home with us, but before I knew it, she was attacking me personally and calling me derogatory names. I allowed myself to stoop to her level by getting upset over her words and said hurtful things in return. I then proceeded to walk away with my baby in my arms when she shot an arrow through my heart by calling me a fat "b--ch." I came unglued and charged at her, almost punching her. I lost my cool and threw a plastic cup at her, never meaning to hurt her, only to scare her. This 20 ounce empty plastic cup left a one inch gash on the top of her head. I feel like a complete idiot! I let her get to me, lost my temper, and am now paying the price for this split second decision to throw a cup at her. I lost any dignity I had when I did this. My dignity would have been kept intact had I just continued to walk away while she yelled at me, making her look like the idiot.
One thing said....... I have learned my lesson. She brings out the worst in me and I plan to stay away from her for as long as I live. She has serious psychological issues and will never find happiness until she starts liking herself and stops blaming others. I have just dealt with 15 years of verbal abuse from her and FINALLY have had enough. I snapped!


  1. I'm sorry that happened to you. You are an amazingly kind and fun person so don't let anything she says hurt you. It stinks though when you lose your cool and regret your actions. It is definitely better to stay away from people who bring out the worst in you!

  2. I think that you reacted how most people would. We are all humans and make mistakes. I agree that you should stay away from the people who bring the worst out in you though. Hang in there!

  3. I am so sorry this happened. You have always been someone I have looked up to. Always treating my daughter with kindness. It is hard not to react like that when people can be so crule. Just remember we love you and are always there for you.

  4. I am sorry that happened to you Kasi. I can't believe that your mother in law would say things like that. I do that too...lose it and not think sometimes. But at the same time, you need to stand up for yourself. She needs to know she can't treat you that way. You are so sweet and kind, I hope things work out for you!

  5. Thanks for your support everyone. It has been a rough week and I have been dealing with a lot of emotions.