welcome friends

Friday, June 11, 2010

Ready to forgive and ready to heal

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me after having the huge argument with my mother-in-law.  I have been so upset with myself, but mostly upset with her and her inability to take some responsibility for taking part in our fight.  I have laughed, cried, and plotted how I could get even with her, but I have been unable to find any peace in my thoughts until tonight.  While driving home from work I was thinking about my own mortality and the mortality of people in general.  Life is fragile and can be altered or ended at any time.  I see this every day at work...... my patients had been going about their lives as usual and one event has now changed it permanently either causing death or disability.  These things can be devastating to families and cause stress.  These situations warrant stress, but I see so many people make the most of these difficult situations and come shining through on the other side.  I have come to the conclusion that life is too fragile to hold a grudge against my mother-in-law.
While searching for some answers to my problems, I found a talk on LDS.org by President James E. Faust about forgiveness LDS.org - Ensign Article - The Healing Power of Forgiveness.  He talked about the Amish community who reached out to the family of the milk man who killed 5 of their little girls and wounded 5 others.  They forgave so quickly and willingly and showed the true spirit Christ.  He quoted Dr. Sidney Simon who stated "Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds.  It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves."   Matt 5:44 says "But I say unto you, Love your benemies, cbless them that dcurse you, do egood to them that fhate you, and gpray for them which despitefully use you, and hpersecute you"  She said hurtful and awful things because she felt belittled (though initially it was not my intention.)  She became offensive and rude because it hurts her too much to be vulnerable and cry.  She is a person with feelings and a child of God too and needs some love and understanding.  I hope with some help and time I can understand how to deal with her better and hopefully help her heal and learn to forgive and free herself from a lifetime of hurt.
Holding a grudge will never heal my wounds and will continue to dig deeper wounds in her heart.  The Lord has commanded that I forgive her if I want to be forgiven of my wrongdoings. I think it is time for me to write her a letter asking for forgiveness.  I truly am sorry I lost my temper and injured her.  I am sorry for the hurtful things I said to her and for my lack of patience with her.  I hope our relationship will mend and will become stronger one day but until then, all I can do is offer her my unconditional forgiveness and hope that she will forgive me for hurting her.