2010 in Review

As you will notice, I changed the title of my blog.  Realistically, my home isn't always happy, but there is always something happening.  I try to be happy amidst everything that goes on, but sometimes I put on a happy face when what I really want to do is vent, be mad or frustrated, sad or depressed, or laugh at some of the dumb things I do.  I also want to share the fun and happy times too, but I have to be real and share my struggles in order for me to grow.  In sharing my struggles and achievements, I plan to take the Pollyanna approach and make myself put a positive twist on whatever I may talk about.  So now, on to my latest rantings.
WOW!  What a year 2010 turned out to be.  So many trials intertwined with blessings.  Looking back, I can't believe I started out the year as a new mom and Ashton was only a month old!  I spent the first couple of months of 2010 staying home with my baby while hooked up to a wound vac.  That was difficult when it happened but sure seems like old news now.  That ended up being a blessing by allowing me to be home until Ashton was 3 months old while getting paid the entire time.
Fortunately, life was uneventful for about 5 months while I adjusted to being a new mom.  Then came the beginning of June, the start of "criminal" activities for me.  Finally standing up to my mother-in-law ended up being detrimental to my clean criminal record.  An argument ensued between the two of us and ended with me receiving a citation from the Salt Lake City police for domestic violence and a few other charges.  June, July, August, and Septmeber were filled with attorneys, court hearings, fines, and an anger management class.  I learned through this whole event that it is better not to say anything and just walk away.  Fortunately this event opened Alan's eyes to how his mom treated me and how he never stood up for me.  Through months of counseling, Alan and I have learned how to manage his mom more effectively by taking the driver seat in the relationship (if this makes sense.)  Alan's mom and I have made amends and are kind to one another.  I definitely will not let myself make the same mistakes with her that I made in the past, but I have forgiven her for what she did and she has forgiven me (for now) for what I did.
In August I was in a car accident that totalled my 2002 Ford Escape.  I was within a mile from work on Vine Street and 300 West.  A lady in a Toyota Corolla ran the red light and broad sided my car.  Hers looked like a tin can that had been stepped on while mine looked like it would be all right.  Unfortunately, the front axel was totally broken and there was a lot of internal engine damage so it ended up being totalled.  However, I received nearly $9,000 for my nearly 9 year old car and went to buy my new car, a 2009 Ford Edge.  I love my new car.  It has black leather seats that have seat warmers in them and a DVD player in the back seat (these are my two favorite options.)  It is a very nice car and I love to drive it.
September was my saddest month.  My dad passed away on September 12th from a massive heart attack (we think.)  His passing shocked us all yet at the same time it wasn't too much of a surprise.  It shocked us all so much because it happened so quickly with no suffering involved.  He had been dealing with some chronic health issues for the past couple of years, but he seemed to be managing all right.  He wasn't able to walk as far as he once did because he got winded so easily, but somehow he managed to a few of the things he still loved to do.  Dad loved to watch sports and yell at the refs.  He loved to play electronic Yahtzee and solitaire on the computer.  He loved old war movies and westerns.  He loved to go grocery shopping and out to eat, but most of all, my dad loved to spend time with his family.  He was so excited whe he found out I was pregnant with Ashton and was one of the first people to see and hold Ashton after he was born.  He was so happy and proud to be a grandpa again.  Fortunately dad got to know Ashton for the first 9 months of his life.  Now Ashton is fortunate to have a grandpa who will be looking over him from heaven.  I have missed my dad's corny jokes, his laugh, his smile, teasing, childhood stories, work ethic, dedication, compassion, faith, love, and devotion to wife, family, God, and church.  I think about him every day and just wish I could hug him one more time.
October and November proved to be happier months.  Though dad was gone, I was able to enjoy Ashton's first Halloween and his first birthday.  Ashton was a monkey and Alan and I dressed up as bananas for Halloween.  Ashton didn't quite get the idea of holding his bucket out for candy, but we will se if he catches on next year. 
November was great.  My aunt Rinda and uncle Marv came into town for Thanksgiving.  It was great to see the two of them and have some laughs.  We also celebrated Ashton's first brithday around Thanksgiving.  We helped him open presents and baked him his own mini cake so he could tear into it.  He was a little timid at first to just dive into the cake, but after licking some of the frosting off one finger at a time, he realized it was cake and grabbed a large handful and shoved ti in his mouth.  He enjoyed the cake for a minute or two but was soon annoyed that there was cake sticking to his hands.  Once he was cleaned up, Ashton was a much happier one year old.
Finally December was upon us.  The first week and a half was filled with shopping and decorating followed by fevers and colds.  Ashton was a miserable little guy.  He was recovering from getting six immunizations, was getting his top two front teeth, and had bad cold on top of it.  Not too much later Alan and I were sick.  Of course as a mom I never get a sick day, I have to keep taking care of the little one as well as nursing my husband.  One Sunday, December 12th to be exact, I stayed home from church sick.  I wanted to finish decorating the Christmas tree, but Ashton wanted me to hold him.  While holding Ashton in my arms and decorating the tree, I tripped on my pants and fell to the floor while hitting my right shoulder on the wall.  I heard and felt my shoulder crunch, but was more worried about hurting Ashton.  Fortunately Ashton wasn't hurt, but I found out later in the Instacare that I had fractured the top of my humerus.  I wore a sling for two and a half weeks and began physical therapy on the 29th of December.  Wow! what a way to end an already eventful year.  I feel fortunate that my should wasn't hurt worse and that Ashton wasn't hurt in any way, but it really would have been nice for it not to have happened at all.
Well, GOODBYE 2010!!!  Hello to 2011!  I hope this year proves to be less eventful and more prosperous.  Best wishes to all of you who read these rantings, I hope you find them entertaining. 

Summer fun

So far, this summer has been filled with firsts for Ashton.  He went to the zoo for the first time and we had a great time.  He spent a little time outside in his jumper while I gardened.  He got to swing in the baby swing at West Jordan park, and he sat in the wading pool for the first time at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  Sydney sat behind him to make sure he didn't tip over in the pool.  Ashton loves to play with his toys and loves all the crazy pacifiers that Alan and I (as well as my family) have bought him.  He is such a sweet boy and is so much fun.  I am so blessed to be his mom and am enjoying every second of his life.  He is my miracle.

Another duck cake

Tomorrow Ashton and I will get to go to a birthday party for a friends 2 year old little girl.  She asked me to make the cake since she was going to do a rubber ducky theme and have a wading pool party.    I am so pleased with how this cake turned out.  Finally my frosting wasn't too stiff so the edges didn't fall off this time.  I used fondant for the beak and chocolate wafers for the eyes and for the circles along the outside.  I made the balloons out of card stock and used bamboo skewers to hold them up and poke into the cake.  The party hat was made with scrapbook paper.  I think this is my best cake yet and I think my technique is getting better.  It has been a lot of fun decorating cakes, now I need to find tried and true cake recipes that I know aren't going to spill over in the oven.

More fondant

Last Tuesday I started a fondant class.  This is what the cake looked like after learning how to put fondant on properly.  I made a home made butter cake, frosted it with real butter cream icing, then laid the fondant on top.  I had some extra royal icing flowers and attached them to the top of the cake with butter cream.

Later this week I will be working on a baby shower cake.  I can't wait to get started on it.

Lucky 13

Today marks my 13th wedding anniversary to my sweet husband Alan.  I think about all that has gone on in 13 years of marriage and how we still laugh and are great friends.   I met Alan through my dear friend Bridget.  She and Alan worked at Discover Card in collections and he asked her out.  They dated for a short time and went on some double dates with me and a guy I was seeing at the time.  I wasn't interested in the other guy and Bridget and Alan decided to just be friends.  He asked me out and we have been together ever since....... that was in August of 1995.

So many things have happened over the years, but here are the top 13:
1. I finished nursing school
2. We bought our first house, a townhouse in West Jordan.
3. Alan got an associates degree in computer networking.
4. We built our current home further west in West Jordan.
5. We got our dog Mandy.
6. I sell Mary Kay.

7. We've gone on 2 cruises..... one to Mexico the other to Hawaii.
8. We finished our basement.
9.  A good friend moved into our basement.
10. Attempted fertility treatments.

11. Did foster care for 8 months and had 3 adorable siblings live with us during that time.
12.  Magically got pregnant with our first baby.

13. Are enjoying our life with our sweet little Ashton and LOVE watching him grow and develop.

I am planning on spending many more happy and adventurous years with Alan.  I know we will grow closer and will be great parents to our little boy.  I hope that Heavenly Father will bless us with at least one more child, but I will leave that up to Him.

Ready to forgive and ready to heal

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me after having the huge argument with my mother-in-law.  I have been so upset with myself, but mostly upset with her and her inability to take some responsibility for taking part in our fight.  I have laughed, cried, and plotted how I could get even with her, but I have been unable to find any peace in my thoughts until tonight.  While driving home from work I was thinking about my own mortality and the mortality of people in general.  Life is fragile and can be altered or ended at any time.  I see this every day at work...... my patients had been going about their lives as usual and one event has now changed it permanently either causing death or disability.  These things can be devastating to families and cause stress.  These situations warrant stress, but I see so many people make the most of these difficult situations and come shining through on the other side.  I have come to the conclusion that life is too fragile to hold a grudge against my mother-in-law.
While searching for some answers to my problems, I found a talk on LDS.org by President James E. Faust about forgiveness LDS.org - Ensign Article - The Healing Power of Forgiveness.  He talked about the Amish community who reached out to the family of the milk man who killed 5 of their little girls and wounded 5 others.  They forgave so quickly and willingly and showed the true spirit Christ.  He quoted Dr. Sidney Simon who stated "Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds.  It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves."   Matt 5:44 says "But I say unto you, Love your ^benemies, ^cbless them that ^dcurse you, do ^egood to them that ^fhate you, and ^gpray for them which despitefully use you, and ^hpersecute you"  She said hurtful and awful things because she felt belittled (though initially it was not my intention.)  She became offensive and rude because it hurts her too much to be vulnerable and cry.  She is a person with feelings and a child of God too and needs some love and understanding.  I hope with some help and time I can understand how to deal with her better and hopefully help her heal and learn to forgive and free herself from a lifetime of hurt.
Holding a grudge will never heal my wounds and will continue to dig deeper wounds in her heart.  The Lord has commanded that I forgive her if I want to be forgiven of my wrongdoings. I think it is time for me to write her a letter asking for forgiveness.  I truly am sorry I lost my temper and injured her.  I am sorry for the hurtful things I said to her and for my lack of patience with her.  I hope our relationship will mend and will become stronger one day but until then, all I can do is offer her my unconditional forgiveness and hope that she will forgive me for hurting her.

I snapped!

I like to think of myself as a pretty rational person who gets along with everyone. I have the physical barrier of being fat that I have to help people overcome before they realize I am a fun, likable person. However, being fat has always been my nemesis and is something I am not proud of. I have battled my weight since early childhood when kids in school were so willing to bully me, exclude me, and call me names. Mostly I have been able to set my insecurities aside, roll with the punches, make friends, and find diversionary activities which helped me develop my self esteem and sense of self worth. I found talents through my weaknesses that helped me develop the successful person that I am today. By no means am I at my goal weight, I will forever be working hard to get there, but I can say I like the person I am despite the fact I don't like my size. That being said, why is it so easy for me to snap mentally when someone call's me a fat "b--ch"?!
This weekend I was not feeling well. A head and chest cold accompanied by nausea plagued me during this beautiful sunny weekend. Despite feeling sick, I decided it would be all right if we spent the afternoon having a late lunch with my mother-in-law. Lunch went fine until the end when my mother-in-law got upset over some words exchanged between her and my husband. She wanted to find her own ride home. I tried to smooth over the situation and convince her to ride home with us, but before I knew it, she was attacking me personally and calling me derogatory names. I allowed myself to stoop to her level by getting upset over her words and said hurtful things in return. I then proceeded to walk away with my baby in my arms when she shot an arrow through my heart by calling me a fat "b--ch." I came unglued and charged at her, almost punching her. I lost my cool and threw a plastic cup at her, never meaning to hurt her, only to scare her. This 20 ounce empty plastic cup left a one inch gash on the top of her head. I feel like a complete idiot! I let her get to me, lost my temper, and am now paying the price for this split second decision to throw a cup at her. I lost any dignity I had when I did this. My dignity would have been kept intact had I just continued to walk away while she yelled at me, making her look like the idiot.
One thing said....... I have learned my lesson. She brings out the worst in me and I plan to stay away from her for as long as I live. She has serious psychological issues and will never find happiness until she starts liking herself and stops blaming others. I have just dealt with 15 years of verbal abuse from her and FINALLY have had enough. I snapped!